Life Happens

I started this blog a few days ago typing out the Pro's and Con's that I had discovered during my first full year here at BYU Hawaii. I had a few cons and many more pros, but tonight I realize that regardless of what I type everyone views things differently. Everyone has a different opinion and mind set. Not only does my view not really matter, but it for certain is not going to stay the same. Even in just the few days I was typing out this blog I saw one of my pros change to cons and one of my cons change to pro. I guess that's life. Things change, people change, life happens. There is no stopping it. Sorry if this is more down, but it's just where my thoughts are tonight. I could attempt to write this happy as can be blog, but that wouldn't be being honest with myself. In reality it saddens me that things change, that people change, that life happens. When I am finally happy and content, I wish I could stay in that place and never move. Stay frozen. This was things could always be happy. No one would have to be sad. No sorrow, no grief, no pain. Just simple happiness. By now I should know very well that happiness is far from simple. With happiness comes trials and tribulations. There is no easy way there; not if we want true, everlasting happiness. Why is it that something that is so true and not able to be changed, something that I don't want to accept. When I think I have finally found it, a place and time I am happy with, it has to go and change on me. Keeps me on my toes I guess? Please don't think I am some sad case here.  I am happy. I smile. I laugh. I have fun. I guess it's just at certain times, Satan gets to have his time and drags me down a little. No worries though, we already know Satan loses his war. I guess, if there is a point to this blog, is that life happens. We can't slow it down or stop it. In no way can we control it. We have to go with what we are given and that is that. We can't change who, or what we are handed, so make the most of it. I guess that's just what I am trying to do now. I have a bed. I have a blanket. I have a pillow. I am going to use those things to get through this night because that is what I need. Find what will help you and just push through. Do not give up. I promise you, that is not the answer. Things are hard now, but they will turn around. You just have to have patience. Patience. Patience. Patience. 

There is one experience that I want to share with you all that I have had while I have been here at school. Let me tell you, even though we know Satan is going to lose, that does not mean he is going to try any less. As many of you know the major I came to school with was Music Education. A little bit about this major. At most universities, they are extending it to become a five year program instead of four. There are over 160 credits you will graduate with. The material is not easy, at all. Here at BYU Hawaii, I currently am only allotted 10 semesters, the 10th one being for student teaching. Each semester containing anywhere from 16 to 19 credits. Never any less. Life has been a bit crazy as you can probably guess. In my life music has always been the one thing I have always had. Anyone who knows me at all will know this. I am always singing or listening to music. Music is the one thing I can always turn to have right there whenever I need it. Music has never let me down. When I was lost for words, I turned to music. Life without music is something that I cringe to think about. I would feel lost. A few weeks ago I had a glimpse of what that life would be like. Over the course of a month and a half, I experience my love for music slowing disappearing. There were several things that went into this happening, but non-the-less it was. I found myself no longer singing, even in the shower. I no longer had a desire to be in choir, to practice, to do anything with music. I no longer felt a love for it. It was a new and scary feeling. I did feel lost and honestly afraid of what was happening. I didn't know if I was making a mistake in my major. Had I wasted my life working on something that wasn't for me? I felt very alone. Luckily I have an amazing mom who was able to talk with me and help me through. She encouraged me to listen to general conference, which happen to be that weekend, and pray about what I should do. At this point I had debated on actually giving up music, changing my major and giving up choir. While watching conference I experience something that had never happen to me before. As I sat listening to Erying's talk I felt as though he were speaking directly to me. I have heard numerous experiences from other's like this, but it has never happen to me before. I sat listening and had tears come into my eyes. It was as if he has heard my question and was personally answering it. After his talk I then proceeded to hear three more talks, each mentioning something that was involved in answering my question. From that moment on I started to remember again. I started to remember why I chose music in the first place. Slowly, but surely I have gained that love back. It is not where it used to be, but eventually I am hoping it gets there. 

The Lord does not give up on us. He watches over us and never leaves us. No matter how alone we feel and how lost we feel, he is always there waiting for us to let Him in. It took me a while to let Him back in, to let Him tell me what I needed to hear. He can not let Himself in. We have to let Him. Sorry if the last part of this doesn't flow. In short, I was feeling lost and the Lord waited and when the time was right made she I knew He was still there. Don't give up on the Lord. He never gives up on you. 

There was a quote I found today that I really loved.

"Heaven is cheering you on today, tomorrow and forever." -Jeffery R. Holland. 

I love and miss you all more than you could ever know. I count down the days until I can see all your faces in person again. Don't give up, keep pushing forward. 

Much Love,

MJ