The Mystery Behind the Name

Some of you reading this may have only known me by the name Megan, others have only known me by MJ. And the lovely bunch in the middle has known me as both. I get the question, "Why MJ?" I had the thought to share a little about this tonight.

Let me begin with the backstory of why I was named what I was. I'll start off easy; Baird, my father's last name and mother's married name. Nothing too crazy about passing that one down.

Now onto Jeanne. I'm sure several of you read it as "Jee-anne", however, it is actually pronounced the same as "Jean". This is a name that was passed down for generations on my mother’s side. It did not used to be my favorite, but the older I have gotten, the more I have come to love the name. I look forward to one day passing it on to one of our daughters.

Now, the fun one. Megan. I always smile a little when I think of this story. Megan was a name that my mom had come up with; a name my dad was not a fan of. He just did not like it that much and wanted something like Michelle. Specifically something like.. Michelle Jordan. Completely in relation to Michael Jordan. My mom would not agree, but said if we call her Megan Jeanne, she can go by "MJ". That was settled. My name was Megan Jeanne.

Even with this being the story behind choosing my name, I actually did not go by MJ until I was 18. All growing up I was Megan. Truthfully, I am not sure why, I just know that was what happened. I do remember around my freshman year deciding I wanted to go by MJ. I tried telling friends; on a couple of sports hoodies I even had that put as the name on the back. Nonetheless, the nickname never stuck and through 18 I was Megan.

Things changed when I made the decision to go to BYU Hawaii after graduating high school.

Growing up, I have buckets full of happy memories. I had friends I loved. I had (and continue to have) a family that loves me unconditionally. However, I still had a fair share of trials. I experienced bullying more than I would have ever wanted, not that anyone wants to ever experience that. I changed from a sweet Megan that my fourth-grade teacher could trust to sit next to anyone, to someone who had a backbone that was turned stone. I had been burned so many times, I stopped being so sweet.

I specifically remember a conversation I had with my wonderful mother my senior year. We were sitting in her bathroom. I was crying due to something that had happened and suddenly she told me that I need to finally let go. I had built up such a hard backbone, that I wasn't allowing any sweet to be there anymore. I needed to work on letting that side of me back out.

This was not easy and honestly, I don't think I did a very good job of it by the end of my high school career. I still had some good friends, but I was not the person I wanted to be.

One of the deciding factors for me going to BYU Hawaii was that I would know no one there. It would a completely fresh start. I would get to be the person I wanted and make the changes I needed to without being held back by anyone in my past knowing who I had been.

That was when I decided to go by MJ. I did not want to be the Megan who had been bullied and put down. I did not want to be the person who had turned hard. I wanted to bring the soft back. I was still me, but it was a chance to let go of the past. For the first two semesters or so, I actually struggled with the change. Sometimes I missed hearing the name I had been called all growing up; this never changed the feeling to stay with my decision though. Since that day, I have been called MJ.

Throughout my mission, I became someone is better. Sister Baird, a true disciple of Jesus Christ. That is someone I hope I have brought home and continued to make a part of MJ.

Tonight at work, I was sitting and decided to write out my name. Megan. Honestly, it was a little strange seeing it there. I had not written out my name for a while. I have for signatures, but those take no thought and I never took time to even think about what I was writing. Tonight, I did.

Tonight, I saw change. For the first time in a long while, tonight, I loved Megan. I loved my name again.

Photo Credit: Patrick Twomey

I have come a long way from that moment of deciding to change. I have softened and learned to trust again. I no longer walk the halls or streets and feel like everyone is speaking ill of me behind my back. I have friends who I trust are genuine. I have a husband who loves me, even with seeing my good and bad sides. He makes me want to be better every day. I have become someone who loves their Savior more than anything. I am changed and for that, I am grateful.

I'm still going by MJ. But I feel better about the name Megan. I feel a love for it, rather than disappointment in who I was. I love that it was a name my parents gave me. A name that is me. A name that can show me where I have been and how far I have come.

So, for those who don't know. I am MJ Newton, the girl who has more Facebook names that she should but loves every one of them.

Much Love Always,

MJ Newton