Peace

One of the main things that I wanted when I came away to school was peace. I was worried for so long that I would never feel that peace. Majority of high school was not pleasant for me. I couldn't wait to leave. With everything that happen I never felt at peace. Whether it was being in a tiff with a friend or something more dramatic I was always worrying or upset. Coming to school, yes I started new, but that didn't mean everything that happen in high school would just disappear. I knew that regardless if I was moving forward in my life, I still had a past. So many things that happen I regret. Though I regret many choices, I still would not go back and change anything. I know that each and every choice I have made up until this point has gotten me to where I am, to who I am. I have plenty of flaws, but I am me. The flaws I have make up who I am and give me something to work on each and every day. If I was perfect what would be the point of me being here? Over the past few months I have been able to move on from my past and feel a peace, but one of the hardest trials for me was always there. In memories on Facebook or other social medias I would be reminded and always feel a bitterness. One way or another I would always feel anger or sadness. I was never at peace. I didn't know if I ever would. Last night something changed. Another memory on Facebook showed up and there I was looking at it. Nothing. I no longer felt a ping of anger or sadness. I looked at the photos and simply saw memories. I smiled at the happy memory and was able to feel at peace. I was finally at peace.

Life is not always the way we expect it or want it to be. That doesn't mean it isn't what it is suppose to be. There is only one person who knows the whole plan for us and we have to trust that He knows what is best. For a long time I couldn't understand why I had to go through so much sorrow, anger and pure bitterness, but now I look back and can see. If I had not gone through what I had, I would not have looked into other options for schools. If I had not gone through what I had, I would not have turned to the Lord in the way I needed to. So yes, life can suck. Trials can seem unending and as though we can't get through them, but I promise this is not so. Take a deep breathe and believe in yourself. Believe that you are strong enough. Know that you are never along and that there is always one who knows what you are going through. He is waiting for you to turn to Him. When I finally did, I received the peace I was waiting for. 

Please don't think things will all the sudden be easy. I still have moments where I miss the past. When I miss what used to be. When times like that come about we have to remember that there is a bigger plan for us. We will find new adventures, people, new everything. We aren't stuck to the same things forever. People come and go. Places come and go. Things come and go. We have to remain constant in the things that don't leave and we know will remain constant. Personally the things I know will remain constant are my family. I know that regardless of the trials we go through, we will still have each other. No matter what I know that they will be there in the end. They are constant. My music is another constant. When words fail, my music speaks. When every I am struggling with something and don't know what to do, I turn to music. Whether it be practicing voice, piano or just listening to music, I know music will be there. My biggest constant in my faith. I know that my Heavenly Father and eldest brother Jesus Christ love me. No matter how alone I feel, I can know that Christ knows exactly what I am going through. He suffered every pain and affliction, every sorrow and fear I would go through. He knows me better than I know myself. He loves me, along with each and everyone of you. I know that the day I get to see him again I will have tears in my eyes because of how grateful I am for Him and everything He had done for me. It is because of Him that I can have my family, not just in this life, but for eternity. It is because of Him that I know I will be with my Father in Heaven again. No matter what is going on in my crazy life, He is, and always will be there. He will never leave. The day I am looking forward to most is the day I get to give him a hug and say thank you for everything. 

If you are struggling to find peace in your life, do not give up. I promise it will come eventually. For me, it did not come quickly, but it did come. If you feel like giving up, push forward and get through one day at a time. Find your constant. It doesn't have to be the same as mine, but find yours. We can't get through life without at least something. We all need something to get through. Please know that I love you all more than you can ever know. Be 5,000 miles away from home is not easy. At times I do want to give up and go home, but when I turn to the Lord, He helps me get through. I know that life is hard, but eventually we can all find peace. If I can, I know you can too. 

Well, not to change the subject but I wanted to give you all a few updates on somethings. First I did get the job I interviewed for. I am officially an RA for Hale 9 here on campus. I feel extremely blessed to have been offered such a position. More news, I am going to the post office and getting my first passport tomorrow! Well, turning in the paperwork, picture and paying. Hopefully it won't take too long to get here. The only other thing I can think of is that I hope you all have a wonderful Valentine's Day this Sunday. I love and miss you all everyday.

Much love,

MJ